I spent the evening re-reading blog posts from March and April of 2015. It’s amazing how much one forgets.
In March of 2015 I was in Krakow and Warsaw, Poland researching genealogy for my next book. In April I traveled to Lviv, Ukraine to visit the home of my maternal ancestors. I actually found family there. Re-reading my posts was riveting.
I revisited the angst and uncertainty that filled my heart as I embarked upon my journey. I had no idea what to expect. As information began to come together, I found myself giddy with the prospect of “what if”? In reading my posts I find myself in wonderment over my fearlessness these past few years, how I wrote a book, quit my job, marketed my book, moved to Italy, sought my heritage.
And I’m riveted in reading it all now. I’ve already lived it, yet it seems like a dream. And in re-living it, somehow it doesn’t seem real, like I actually did it. Yet I did.
I didn’t consider what the ramifications were of my search. I had no idea what was going to happen. I noted such sentiments in my writing. Yet I continued onward. I was driven. I’ve always been driven, but my priorities have been different from those of most people.
As I read, I am reminded of some of the trepidation I had in the past, similar to the trepidation I have now. Why was I so bold then? I seemed to have a sense of purpose. I have that same sense now, but I’m facing a different test. I’m looking at decisions that have the potential to be even more impactful on my life. I have to support myself.
I’ve pursued this journey. I got my answers. Now I have more options available to me. My brother and my family want me to return to Europe. I’m open to that. I am also very much aware of the need to support myself. I can do that better here in America.
I suppose re-reading these postings have helped me. They’ve served to remind me that I’ve had doubts in the past. Yet, despite any doubts, I still made decisions. I still made bold decisions. Any decision I make now will be bold, whether it entails remaining in America or returning to Europe.
Re-living the experiences of the last year has also served to remind me that everything turns out. As much as I love Europe, remaining in America is not a bad thing. Europe can always come later. I can always retire there. I can still visit.
Despite some of the decisions I’ve made the last few years, I’m still a practical man. Yes, one can argue that some of my decisions might have been foolhardy for even flippant. But I don’t feel that way. Not everyone can do what I’ve done. Not everyone wants to do what I’ve done. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. This was my path to follow and I felt an inner pull to follow this route.
I’m going to pursue every avenue. Whatever option turns out to be the best, is the one I will choose. There will be no “right” or “wrong” answer or decision. One of the greatest things in life is having options. And I’m thankful I have them. How frustrating would it be if I only had one door to choose from?