OK, so this is not the actual “morning after” my announcement about being “done”. Close enough.
I’ve found myself, ironically, wanting to write more about this whole issue. Isn’t that nuts–stating that I’m done with this adoption obsession and wanting to continue talking about it?
I suppose it happens with anyone when something major strikes in life. One needs to flesh out the issue to help make sense of it. I also think that there is a sense of loss in my case. Deciding to jettison something that has defined me for decades is just a tad unnerving. I’m ripping more than just a thread out of my security blanket.
So what do I do now? After this revelation to the world and this realization for myself, I cannot help but wonder where I go from here.
In all actuality, there’s no real rush for anything. I still have three more months remaining in Europe to enjoy. Without the template of ADOPTION superimposed over my psyche, my brain and soul are liberated to consider other paths. There’s a smorgasbord of options out there and there is no timeline for any of them
Save for work and living accommodations, that is. I am in the throes of looking for a job even while I’m still here in Italy. I’ve updated my LinkedIn profile and I’m working on resumes. I’m surfing the Net for job opportunities. A headhunter friend is helping me along.
And you know something? I am looking at this particular phase of life through a different lens. Positions that didn’t seem open to me suddenly seem available. Is that part of this new journey? Am I looking at the outside world and myself, differently? Is that one of the results of this relocation to Italy?
The possibilities ahead of me are endless. While I’m trying not to superimpose an ideal expectation over any future endeavors, I cannot help but feel a certain exhilaration. Another form of liberation from the prison of reticence.
I feel almost a sense of reckless abandon. Not in a wanton fashion where I am doing something dangerous, but more in a healthy manner where I am not bound by the constraints of fear, caution or over-analysis. It’s a sense of “Why not?” Or, as Nike used to say, “Just do it”.
I guess what I also feel is an exuberance to check out anything and everything. What is the worst that could happen? A rejection? Been there. Done that. Unemployment? Been there. Done that. Failure? Been there. Done that.
Since I feel as though I’ve experienced it all–the good, the bad and the ugly–what is there to lose except yet more reluctance?