I’m scared

I’m scared. It might happen. It’s gradually looking more positive. I’m getting encouragement and feedback. The details are not as daunting. Could I truly have an opportunity to live out a dream?

I’m not talking about my writing. I’m already living that out, even if I’m not making much money yet. No, I’m talking about a move to Italy.

I know I’ve written about this on Facebook. And apparently I wasn’t clear because people still think I said that I’m definitely moving to Italy. All I said was that I’m going to Italy for Christmas and I’ll stay if I can find something. Even if I were to find something, I’d have to return to America to tie up loose ends.

While I’m in Italy for Christmas I’ll be speaking to a couple of people there about my book and possible work opportunities. Tonight, while Skyping with my cousin, he broached the subject of me moving to Italy “for a year just to see what happens”. This is what I’ve entertained. This is what others have encouraged. My cousin seems to think it would be good for my aunt and uncle if I were there, especially since my uncle is now struggling with depression. Perhaps I could be of help if I’m nearby? That’s what he’s thinking. I know my cousin would be jazzed if I moved to Italy.

Of course the prospect of helping my beloved aunt and uncle thrills me to death. And the irony is that I was always concerned about moving to Italy and the impact on them. Knowing my aunt, I could see her bringing me pasta dishes every day to make sure I was eating right! I could see her coming over and washing my boxers. Perhaps I’m being dramatic, but my precious aunt is like that! And I wouldn’t ever want to be a burden.

Now, with this imprimatur of encouragement, I’m giddy but frightened. Have you ever been stunned into silence when you’ve been faced with achieving your dream? Have you ever been frightened of being happy because you’ve been miserable and empty for so long? I have. And I am. I am comfortable struggling. Will I sabotage my dream?

I don’t care. I’m going to thrust forward. Reluctance be damned. We’ll see what the results are. I will try to write every day while I’m in Europe. Leaving 12/19/13!

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