Do the right thing

I have found myself experiencing an odd fear. It’s a fear that comes and then dissipates almost immediately. It first appeared when I gave my notice at work; I felt this fear of the unknown and a sadness that I was leaving. When my resignation was announced to the office, the fear came back along with the sadness–and the concern of not having a place to go each morning. When my properties were distributed to my colleagues to cover, that apparition appeared again. And then it was gone.

And these emotions continue every time something happens that reminds me I’m leaving to pursue my dream. Despite the giddiness of being able to be ME and do what I want, there’s this pull to be conservative, to do the conservative, safe thing. To do the “right” thing. To invest my money and work until I retire, yet all the time wondering “What if?”

But what is the “right” thing? Is it staying in my job and letting my money earn interest and never following what I feel inside? Is the right thing NOT taking a risk? Is the right thing remaining unfulfilled? Sometimes you just have to say “What the f—” and toss aside conventional wisdom. Rarely does conventional wisdom lead to fulfillment and a joyous eternal encounter with oneself.

Now that the day is drawing near, I’m about ready to leap out of my skin. I can’t wait. I’m jumping from the frying pan into the fire and I have no fear whatsoever. Oh sure, I get twinges of anxiety that last five minutes. But I just can’t wait. I have so much I want to do.

I know that I have to approach this in an organized manner. I know that I can’t expect huge success immediately, perhaps NO success immediately. But I see the greater prize of self-fulfillment, of happiness and joy in claiming the life that’s out there for me. And that is priceless.

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