Success will beget success. I truly believe that. My book went live, available for purchase, late Friday, June 7. Virtually immediately, the number of hits to my website increased over fifty percent. I was surprised. Sales are not keeping pace with this apparent increase in interest. However, I fully believe sales are coming. Within a couple of days already sixteen people had signed up for the Oregon City book launch. And I know more than that are coming.
I have my publicity ready for local newspapers. Now I have to order more books to give out as freebies to the media. I’ve already ordered a hundred books for the first book launch. I know that will be too many but better safe than sorry, right? My posters are created and ready to be distributed to bulletin boards/classified boards at city halls, community colleges, libraries, etc. There’s so much work! I know, I’ve said that before, but it seems like there’s always something else.
Yet I truly don’t mind. This whole experience will be fascinating as I learn what I need to do to make this book a success. I will continually find roadblocks–and it will be up to me to find my way around those roadblocks. I’m fascinated by the learning curve for something so different from anything I’ve ever experienced.
Yet some of the old insecurities keep popping up. I keep thinking about some of the ugliness that I discuss in Lemonade. Will it hurt my career? Will it cause people to look at me askance? Sometimes we get judged by the behavior of those we know. Will I be seen as a pariah?
It’s a chance I chose to take. I could not in good conscience write this book and make it all peaches and cream when it wasn’t. How could I look myself in the face if I didn’t acknowledge some of the ugliness? Yet I’m self-conscious about being open with my own insecurities. These are feelings from decades ago but reading them brings them back to the front of my mind as though they never left. I find my face getting red and trickles of sweat dripping down my back.
But I shouldn’t get worked up. Those issues are long gone. Yet it begs the question, “Do we ever truly overcome our insecurities?” If they can still conjure up in us such discomfort, are they really gone? Or is it a reaction, much like a pleasing scent that brings up a warm fuzzy childhood memory? I prefer to think the latter.